The Lighthouse (2019)

Psychological Horror Movies/Mental Health Awareness Month

Source: IMDB.

I watched The Lighthouse at 4am on a dreary Monday morning. Having seen Eggers’ The VVitch, I felt like I was prepared for anything. I was ready to be frightened, disgusted, upset, heartbroken, enlightened. Except I wasn’t ready for what happened.

Reader, I laughed.

That’s good, because lately I’ve been in a portentous, depressing place with essays. This movie reminded me of Ren & Stimpy, a cartoon I watched back in the 1990s. I also thought of The Road Runner and Tom & Jerry.

Why is that? Well, you’ve got a pair of idiots beating the shit out of each other. I am pretty sure this is not what Eggers intended. My reading from watching two of his films and part of a third is that he might have a rudimentary sense of humor, you never know, but you sure can’t see it in his movies.

The premise of The Lighthouse is simple. Two men, alone on an island, are maintaining a lighthouse. One has anger issues. The other has digestive issues, judging by the amount of gas he passes.

Tom, who does not sparkle (Robert Pattinson), works as an assistant to Tom, the gassy lighthouse keeper (Willem Dafoe). The original arrangement was for two weeks, which is extended indefinitely when a storm hits.

Tom No Sparkle is a powder keg waiting to blow up. The technical term for Tom Gaseous is ‘Dick Boss.’ Or is the other Tom a shitty employee? Since the film is from his point-of-view, who knows? He certainly lugs his fair share of coal.

Oh, and Tom No Sparkle killed his last boss. Or maybe he just watched him die. He tells this to Tom Gaseous, who manages to not look terrified. I would be, especially if I’d spent the last few weeks riding the guy’s ass.

According to Tom Gaseous, Tom No Sparkle is a slow, lazy, insubordinate ne’er do well. He also abuses himself. According to Tom No Sparkle, Tom Gaseous is a slavedriver who busts his chops and is an awful cook. He also won’t let him see the lighthouse’s light, which it turns out is the reason Tom No Sparkle came to the island in the first place.

Why, it’s Prometheus stealing fire! No, it’s just a pair of lighthouse keepers who come to hate each other’s guts. Mythological imagery aside (and there’s a lot of it), to me The Lighthouse doesn’t reach that next level. It’s not for lack of trying, though.

I didn’t find Tom Gaseous to be a tough read. He wants to be rid of the other Tom and is riding it out. This, illustrated when a drunken Tom No Sparkle has a secret to confide, and he wants absolutely no part of it.

These aren’t the actions of a master gaslighter. These are the actions of a man who is frightened of his employee. Most likely because he saw the way he killed the seagull. Tom No Sparkle is a man full of rage at whatever. It doesn’t matter, because anger like that travels from one target to the next like running water.

I have a different view on the Toms’ alcohol binges. I stopped drinking thirty two years ago, because I was using it to self-medicate. If you have anger issues, alcohol is the wrong drug to choose. Have you ever been around someone with anger issues who’s been drinking? One minute they’re fine, the next they want to kill you.

That said, Tom Gaseous uses alcohol to placate Tom No Sparkle, who at the movie’s start doesn’t drink. He’s a lot more self-aware than I thought. The alcohol works, sort of, in that it stops him from killing his boss.

The alcohol also leads to some weird moments. At one point the Toms are slow dancing, and the next they’re exchanging fisticuffs. Does this scene have erotic undertones? I don’t know. Both Toms are hideous in their own special way, but there’s someone for everyone, right?

Tom No Sparkle sees a mermaid, or what he thinks is a mermaid. That could be alcohol or even alcohol withdrawal, which might account for his irritability. It might be something else. A dream, a vision, a prophecy from the Gods. Crappy diet. Isolation. Too much self-abuse.

The Lighthouse gives us no explanation for Tom No Sparkle’s mental deterioration, unless you believe Father Neptune is driving him crazy because he’s mad about a dead seagull. It’s as good an explanation as any the movie gives.

The Lighthouse is good at showing how people deal, or don’t deal, with anger. This refers to Tom No Sparkle. My impression of Tom Gaseous is that he’s happy with who he is, and doesn’t mind being alone.

At a certain point, the Toms start to fight for real, which is when the cartoon fun begins. Neither man is very likable, so I didn’t care who won. Both Toms make grandiloquent speeches about hating the other that deserve to be memorialized on a bronze plaque.

Tom No Sparkle loses track of time, and thinks Tom Gaseous is playing with his head. All I will say is that Tom Gaseous would have to be stupid to fuck with Tom No Sparkle, who is bigger, younger, and stronger.

The Lighthouse ends when Tom No Sparkle sees the light. He sees something, anyway. I stopped viewing this movie as horror at about the halfway point. What is it? Maybe a period drama or an existential comedy?

I enjoyed The Lighthouse, but not in the way I expected. The movie, filmed in black and white, looks great. The acting is very good. I just couldn’t connect with either of the Toms, who resembled cartoon characters beating the crap out of each other while I watched.

Eating popcorn and waiting for the anvil to fall.